Whether Asleep or Awake
by Queen-of-the-Saps
Summary: “She thought about her dreams and, unbeknownst to her, she gave a rare and genuine smile.”


Disclaimer: I own the Teen Titans, NOT!

Summary: "She thought about her dreams and, unbeknownst to her, she gave a rare and genuine smile."

Rated: K

"Whether Asleep or Awake"

The clock had struck nine and she was already living her freedom. Freedom from so many things; her work, her costumers, her co-workers, and most of all, being hit on by her sleazy boss. The latter she was most thankful for having freedom from. She would flat-out refuse him, there being only one person in her life. _You live in my dreams_

It was a little after nine thirty when she arrived at her apartment building. She parked her old, cerulean Honda that had seen her through so many hard times. She opened the door and mustered up the energy to get out and start the long trek up to her apartment; if only they had an elevator! On the first floor she realized just how undescribably tired she really was and that she felt blank, like she did whenever she was conscious. No sadness, no happiness, no depressing or hurtful thoughts, no hyper or "mania" thoughts. No emotions came to her. All she felt was relieved when she reached her apartment on the fourth floor.

Closing and locking the door behind her, she sank down to the floor. Walking up and down those stairs everyday was killing her! All she wanted to do was sleep, and for more than one reason. She thought about her dreams and, unbeknownst to her, she gave a rare and genuine smile. _I can see you laugh, I can also see you cry _In that smile she showed more emotion than she thought she possibly could while she was conscious.

She walked through the kitchen/living room and turned into her private bedroom and shut the door. It consisted mainly of a wooden framed queen bed with matching dresser and night stand, a large bookshelf of ancient books she hadn't been able to read since she started her current job, a walk-in closet where she kept her work clothes, and a bathroom off to the side. She quickly undressed, leaving her work clothes in a puddle on the floor. She reasoned with herself that she could always pick it up tomorrow, what she needed now was sleep. She reached into her dresser and picked out her dark blue pajama pants made out of silk and a black camisole. Her thoughts drifted back to her dreams as she performed her nightly rituals; brushing her teeth, washing her face, pulling back her long hair. She meandered over to her bedside where she pushed back the midnight blue covers, quickly fingering the soft materials, and climbed into bed. As soon as her feet had left the floor her usual blank expression turned to one of peace. _This is where I can watch you eternally_.

She leaned down onto the bed, feeling the tension leaving her body almost immediately. This was her remedy. Breathing inwardly, she wondered what she might see tonight. _While I am in slumber I see you awake_ All the endless possibilities, all the emotions! She smiled once again and continued to think. "I wonder what you are doing. Are you alright, now? Did you have any company today? You have tomorrow off. . . I wonder what you'll do, then." Her eyes shot open_. Does this mean. . . you watch me while you sleep peacefully?_

She continued to dwell in thought as time ticked by.

10:04. "How is this possible?"

10:28. "I know this has been ongoing for years, now."

10:43. "How is it that this started?"

11:52. "Why can't I be asleep, now!"

The next day came before her sooner than she had thought or hoped it would. Sadly, she had not been able to manage one peek at her dream companion. She had thought all throughout the night. She never ceased in her wondering. _What is this bond, between you and I?_ She never eased her mind and rejuvenated through blessed, blessed sleep.

Instead, it persisted throughout the next day as well. _How is it that we can view each other _- She drove to work and nearly missed her exit. - _with each slow breath we take?_ Even at work, it bugged her. All the questions ravaged her, one at a time. One painstaking question at a time. The only way she found herself not pondering over the potential existence of her dream-mate was daydreaming over what happened in the day she had missed of her dream companion's life. The latter not helping the former. Her work was not exactly interesting, it never was, but today she could not find herself to look over into the ever-increasing stack of paperwork. She just kept thinking. . . over and over and again once more.

She smirked in her office - _You must also have a smile on your face_ - knowing no one would see her - _Even though in slumber_ - and went to the windows to close the blinds. - _Seeing me think about senseless things _At that amusing thought she shook her head and reached into her "to-do" pile and began filing and sorting and filling out papers. Nothing too exciting, but it paid the bills and gave good hours. Enough so she could get a good night of sleep, anyway. She worked so hard, with her mind not at all on the matter beforehand, that she missed her lunch break and almost forgot to go home.

She found herself in her cerulean Honda, once again. As much as she wanted to go home, she didn't want the senseless contemplation that it had brought along._ My mind won't let me rest_ No matter how much she should have felt like she was free, she didn't.

If she thought the ride home was bad, getting through the door of her apartment was worse. As soon as she walked in she had entered the door her mind, again. She had to do something, anything to get her mind sidetracked, otherwise she thought she would die. And then who he have to watch and be watched? She tried everything she could think of; eating, humming or singing her favorite songs, watching the tube, beating the computer at Scrabble, hack the Pentagon, she even tried dancing! But all of it was half-hearted. _Even over such a seemingly trivial matter_ She couldn't concentrate. Well, except on the topic she was trying to avoid.

Eventually, she lost the fight with her mind. And she thought. . ._ I must know! Are you . . . for real?_ She was losing her sanity bit by bit, she knew it. How could a dream be real? A fictional character? It was fiction, wasn't it? Wasn't it? But there was no one to answer her. No one to tell her she was wrong. Soon enough, she embraced rather than fought the fact that it was real, all of it, even though it was crazy, beyond all logic, and no one would believe her.

She longed to laugh at what seemed foolish to others' eyes, but stopped. _There are things I am not proud of _All the laughter and happiness fled her eyes. She looked down at the dark carpet.

She thought again. This time not fighting, even though she knew it was bad to reflect on. She thought of all the sins she had committed over the years. Lies she'd told, disregarding her conscience, doing what she had been told even though she believed it to be wrong, the list went on and on. _Mistakes my mind will not let me leave behind_ Not even the thickest hard-covered book could contain it all.

She fervently wished and hoped that this was not a mistake, and definitely not a sin. _I wish you to not become one of them_

She thought of all the experiences they seemingly had together. All the happy tears - as well as the sad - the fear, the unmade decisions, the joy, the death of pets, moving out, getting your first job, taking the SATs, all the stress, and definitely the peacefulness of sleep. _I have seen your life unfold before me _All of it, together. Always and forever. . . right?

"I know everything about you, probably better than yourself." _I know your darkest wish_ "When you talk to yourself, it is like you are talking to me. . . I think I got that habit from you." A glint of humor found a way back to her eyes.

_You know what I desire, don't you?_ The question weighed down upon her. Did he really? It was only fair that if she knew his. . . then he would know hers. She looked up at the ceiling as if she suspected to see someone there and gave a knowing grin.

Finally, it was that time again. A time for rest from her life, and into another's. But, yet again, everything is troubled. _As I watch you this night, my mind wanders -_ "Not again! I just want to see you. I want my mind to shut up!" - _why, where, when, and what if? _ But her mind would not quiet down. In fact, it had all just begun.

In her mind she saw him, though not in slumber. She could see all the good times they had 'spent together'. "You are usually so happy, how do you do it?"_ I see you smile. . . _

"How do you— how is it that you become happy?" She pondered over his happiness, his smile. That's when she found a strange thought float to the top;_ I want you to smile for me_

Caught off-guard by that last thought, she went to change into her pajamas. Walking over to her dresser, she was alerted by a sudden change in surroundings. _Suddenly, things around me change_ She was in a bedroom, one with white walls littered with posters, two red lamps, wooden flooring, and a red comforter. She knew this room. She knew every intimate detail, she had been there so often. _I am in your room, but am I really?_

"Raven?" She heard her name from behind and looked behind her. _You say my name in astonishment and disbelief_ "Richard?" She took a good look at him, he stood near his closet, dressed casually in his favorite "lucky" beat-up red tee and black cargo pants.

His eyes were wide as if he was seeing an apparition standing before him. _He didn't believe in me . . . like I believed in him_-He just stood there, not knowing what to do _as my heart shatters into a million fragments_ - she looked down, thinking one moment she was glad she still had makeup on and then wishing this whole ordeal had never happened - o_nto the cold wooden floor _Would it be better if this had never occurred?

"Raven? Are you really here?" He asked of her, but she only looked up from the floor to his unknowing gaze. _He steps all over where my heart would be as he comes closer_ He came closer to her even though she didn't say anything. They stood there awkwardly for a moment. She thought he was going to poke her for a moment, just to make such he wasn't insane. _He reaches for me, pulls me close, and brought us together_ But he didn't poke her, instead, he embraced her.

_The tears from his eyes gently repair my heart to its original state_. Tears leaked from his eyes as he held her so close to him. She thought he would never let her go, and was not complaining one bit. He finally loosened his grip, slightly, so he could rest his forehead on hers and say, "What took you so long?"

_. . .Maybe, he did, indeed, believe. . ._

She wrapped slender arms around his neck, leaning forward enough to whisper in his ear. "You do know, you never came to me, don't you?" She had left her regular monotone in her apartment. Here she whispered lovingly, longingly, seductively. And it did not bother him one bit. He managed to pull back enough to flash his heart-throb grin.

They made a vow to each other. _Whether asleep or awake or somewhere in between - We will always be together_

_In spirit - in body - and in love_

"I love you, Richard Grayson." She smiled at him. She only smiled for him. He just beamed back at her and took his turn at whispering in her ear, "I knew this shirt was lucky. . ."

He held her chin in his hand and looked straight into her eyes, "I love you, too, Raven Roth. And have for a very long time, now." And then he kissed her.

Fin

A/N: In case you hadn't figured out, this is a fic based on a poem I wrote a few months ago. The italicized words being the poem lines. I thought it was cute! Bland, but cute. This is my first fic, so please be gentle! (No flames, please.)


End file.
